Have you ever felt a
parenting dilemma? A moment when you knew you needed to be serious, guide or
discipline your child, but all you wanted to do was laugh?
I had a moment like
that recently. While at work I got a call from T, who had just finished his
workout at the gym. There's childcare
available at the gym, and the girls all get to play for an hour or two while he
or I exercises. Today, when he went to pick them from the play area, the
teacher told him that there was a boy who apparently was bothering Lorelai. So Lorelai punched him.
…
Yup.
It's a good thing I was at work, and I didn't have to contain my laughter for the sake of teaching our daughter about non-violent communication. I had all day to get all the giggles out before having a talk with Lorelai ("Did you feel like there weren't any teachers who could help you?").
I pose this question to you, my reader (I'm not sure yet that you exist, much less more than one of you!) :
What do YOU do when confronted with a dilemma where you want to laugh but feel you ought to discipline or otherwise teach your child a valuable lesson? Do you lean into the laughter? Stifle it completely?
In our particular situation, I felt not only a desire to laugh, but even a little pride. Yes. PRIDE. I'll have to teach her to not react simply off her feelings (in that instance, she was feeling frustrated), but to take a breath, and get help from an adult if there is one available. But I'm thankful that right now I don't have to teach her that it's okay to stand up for herself. I'm thankful that my daughter has gumption. I'm thankful that she hasn't learned the silly notion that 'boys will be boys' or 'girls don't hit.' She is feisty (with a wicked right hook!) and she has a strong sense of justice, and I admire those things in her. So I listened to Lorelai as she recounted what happened, and how she got a time out, and we talked about other options if it happens again - like walking away or talking to a teacher. But I also wrote her a note, to give to her when she's grown, all about the time she punched a boy who wouldn't leave her alone. I told her what happened, and how I wanted to laugh, and how I felt so proud of her for standing up for herself when she felt like there weren't any other options. I'm excited to one day give her notes like these, so that she can see me delighting in her. From her side of the memories, being 5, or 7, or 10, she'll recall me using teachable moments, correcting her behaviors. But she won't get to see the stifled laughter, the pride underneath it all. So just to ensure that she sees that EVEN the aspects of her personality that are requiring the most discipline and direction from me (and may, consequently, make her feel like I don't 'like' that about her) are pieces of her that I have loved truly, from the beginning.
Here's to you Lorelai. Strong willed. Brave. Fierce. I love every bit.