-Make leaps and bounds towards a better marriage. (check)
-Discover that our lease was up in July, and not January, as we had thought. Panic a bit. (check)
-Get offered a job in Eugene Oregon and accept! (check)
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| Moving Day! |
-Pack up belongings, sell belongings, donate belongings, and give notice to our Washington jobs. (check. check. check. :'-( check)
-Move out of apartment, with Tristan and our moving van moving down to Oregon to look for a house, and the children and I moving to mom's house in Sequim Washington to spend some time with 'Mimi' and Uncle until said house could be found and rented (check)
-Realize that the Eugene rental market is crazy competitive and pack up the kids to join Tristan so that I can continue the house hunt on site while he's at work.
-Be 'homeless' and live in a (depressing) quaint little (shack) unit out in Walton Oregon. The kids called it the broken house in the forest. (been there, done that)
-FINALLY find a rental, sign, give lots of move in monies, and move into our duplex!
Last, but certainly not least,
-Announce that I am pregnant!
Like I said, we have had quite a lot going in the last 6 months, and even in the last 2 months it has been a significant undertaking to acclimate to a new city and to my new position as a stay at home mom. That being said, as we settle into routines, Tristan goes to work, I homeschool, I cook and clean and take the kids to the library, I find something wanting in my daily life.
And that brings me to today's post. My children are now 5, 4, and 2, and I find that I'm getting the itch. The itch to go to work full time, the itch to travel, the itch to go back to school. I think if I boil it down to it's essence, this restlessness is a desire (now that my youngest really isn't a 'baby' anymore ) to shift some of my focus away from them, and onto myself. Stay at Home Moms, is this normal? Does everyone experience this? Do I need an attitude adjustment? I know that in about 3 months, when I'm in my third trimester and I'm tired all the time, this restlessness won't be as much of an issue. There's something about a pending birth that makes your life feel, well, full. And once the baby is here, and I have a newborn to take care of on top of a 6, 5, and 2 1/2 year old, and a house to manage, my life will feel so full and I doubt there will be any room for a restlessness for more. But perhaps that's a pipe dream. Maybe restlessness is just something stay at home moms have to grapple with, and I am expecting relief that won't come in 3 months or in 6 months. If that's the case, one of you more experienced moms should warn me and speak some wisdom to my heart.
I want to be a grateful stay at home mom. I want to be a productive homemaker. I want to be a wife who blesses her husband by turning his hard earned wages into real, tangible, care. With those goals in mind, I will choose to accomplish tasks in the home, even if doing so doesn't make me feel fulfilled. I will choose to work through feelings of discouragement instead of letting them take root and make me sour. And I will choose to be accountable, when I'm not grateful, productive, or a blessing to my family. Because there's nothing less satisfying than being unfulfilled AND doing nothing. I think feelings of fulfillment will come as we get to know Eugene, and make local friends, and get connected into church. Those things will come with time. I may not be able to control whether or not I feel restless today, while I wait for those things to gradually happen, but today I can choose to get up, be active, be grateful, and be a blessing. And that's a pretty good place to start.
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